tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-67103095102905834322024-02-20T07:27:35.232-08:00adventures of motherhoodAnonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01505239337941457391noreply@blogger.comBlogger33125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6710309510290583432.post-40820810557380053162013-01-09T21:08:00.000-08:002013-01-09T21:08:07.467-08:00Perspective I had a pretty bad day yesterday. I needed to make a 2 hour trip to IKEA to pick up a few things, and had to bring my kids along because my husband was working. Getting up there was an adventure- trying to make it out the door took longer than usual because a missing boot could not be located, the girls were fussy because they needed naps, and I got pulled over on the 89, which was a first for me. Add to that the explosive diarrhea my two-year-old had while at the store and the absence of wipes in my diaper bag.... A breakdown would be understandable at that point, right? <br />
It didn't occur to me until the drive home what an awful day I had. My whole body ached from pushing a cart that was harder to steer than a HALO 1 warthog. It literally rode sideways rather than straight. I was tired of grabbing Lily and throwing her back in the cart every time she made a break for it. But the funny thing is.... it didn't seem so bad at the time. I was counting my blessings. At least IKEA had what I went up there for and I didn't make a 4-hr car trip for nothing. I was lucky that when a small bomb went off in my daughter's pants I had not only an extra set of pants, but a warm jammie shirt to put on her because the mess seeped through her pants, shirt and jacket. Especially lucky because IKEA doesn't carry clothing. I had no wipes, but there was a pack of courtesy wipes in the bathroom for emergencies such as this. At least we were already in the family bathroom when it happened, and she wasn't running through the middle of the store or something.<br />
I guess it wasn't THAT bad of a day. It could be a lot worse...Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01505239337941457391noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6710309510290583432.post-24028180424412377902013-01-09T20:29:00.001-08:002013-01-09T20:29:33.065-08:00Simple GiftsA favorite song of mine is an old Shaker song, called "Simple gifts". It brings peace to my heart everytime I hear it, especially during this uncertain time. I start dreaming of what "true simplicity" is to me and how wonderful it would be. And then I start thinking about what I can do to achieve it. <br />
One thing I do periodically is look around our teeny home...and see <i>STUFF.</i> stuff everywhere. Then I get overwhelmed and begin the purge- tossing broken things and garbage, clearing out books, unimportant papers, and worn out/ underused clothes, eliminating underused and disliked items. Sometimes I even go so extreme as cutting tags off pillows and baby toys (those big tags are SOOO annoying), and consolidating boxes out of our kitchen cupboards (you know, the big box with one or two fruit snacks left in it). The other day I was winding ribbon around my fingers and sticking a pin in it so I could throw the spools away. In my defense I had purchased several 5 yard cuts of ribbon for $.60 each and was trying to figure out an organized, free/ cheap way to store it. I also realized it would save space in my ribbon box to store all of my ribbon in the same manner.<br />
I've been taking a mental inventory... and <i>STUFF</i> is not making me happy. In fact I think our stuff is starting to rule us... <br />
<br />Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01505239337941457391noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6710309510290583432.post-79339783602515938932012-11-17T23:13:00.001-08:002012-11-17T23:25:51.049-08:00The MeaningI just had the most humbling experience in the grocery store today.<br />
<br />
I was checking out at the grocery store when my debit card wouldn't work. Which isn't the first time it's happened- our bank changed its name last year so everyone was issued a new debit card. For some reason there was a conflict with the bank's new cards and Wal-mart's card machines. It doesn't happen often, but sometimes the card reader gets picky about how and where my card is swiped. So I didn't think anything of it; just put it through the usual paces and figured it would work. Sadly it didn't- so I got on my fancy-schmancy smart phone (which I regret being stuck with- I love my phone, but not the contracted service bill) and checked our bank account.<br />
<br />
There wasn't enough money to buy my groceries.<br />
<br />
I stood there in shock for a minute- We just got paid a few days ago! And it wasn't like this was one of my big trips either... I was trying to keep it cheap. <br />
<br />
I wasn't quite sure what to do...I don't carry a credit card with me even though I have one. We ran out of checks last month so that option was out...dig through the car for change? <br />
<br />
I thought of the money bag sitting by the front door with my earnings from this weekend's craft boutique in it. There was enough money inside, but it was at home, not in my hand. I debated whether or not to call my husband and have him bring the bag. But I didn't think he would take the news very well; he would stressing out and demanding answers from me about where the money went and what happened, blah blah blah; and I wouldn't be able to tell him until I got home and took a good look at our account history.<br />
<br />
As I feebly pawed at the grocery bags trying to decide what to put back, the lady in line behind me put her hand on my shoulder. "How much are you short?"<br />
<br />
A sick feeling rose up in my throat. I didn't want her to help me- I was embarrassed enough that she had to see me like this.<br />
<br />
"Whatever it is you're short, I will pay it." I opened my mouth to protest when she added, "Merry Christmas."<br />
<br />
Those simple words were all the encouragement I needed to accept her gracious help. "Twenty dollars," I choked out.<br />
<br />
I paid what I could and she took care of the rest. I got a couple of encouraging smiles and an arm pat from the cashiers as I sheepishly wheeled my cart out of the store. As I loaded my precious groceries into the car I remembered the empty compartment where my emergency $20 used to be.<br />
<br />
A couple of months ago, our family was on our way to visit my parents in California. We stopped for gas in Primm, Nevada; the last service station we would see for hours while crossing the Mojave. When Matt got out of the car, a bigger gentleman approached us. I couldn't hear what he was saying, but Matt reached into that little compartment and handed the guy the $20 bill inside. After filling the car with gas and getting back behind the wheel, I asked him what happened. He said the guy needed money for gas.<br />
<br />
As I watched the man walk back over to his nice car, I'm ashamed to say I began to judge this person. I knew it was wrong, but I griped in my head about how much it was, what that person might buy with it, and how it was there for <i>our </i>emergencies, not someone else's. I had smaller bills in my purse and wondered why my husband would automatically reach for the twenty and not ask me first if I had any cash. I tried to get over it and move on. I remembered about that missing twenty again last week when our funds were getting low and Matt needed gas to drive to work. He ended up using rolls of change to buy gas. <br />
<br />
The lesson God was trying to teach me began to sank in. He knew that $20 meant something to me.<br />
<br />
It's PAPER! It's WORTHLESS! It won't last past this life! <br />
<br />
But for some reason my heart was set on that eternally worthless piece of paper. And He saw that it was returned to me.<br />
<br />
How....<br />
<br />
I don't even have words to describe my feelings.<br />
<br />
I've been seeking to understand the true meaning of Christmas. Presents are great- I love watching people's faces light up with excitement when they open gifts and find something just perfect. I love the feeling of making someone's day. But I always feel disappointed when I don't find that same perfect gift given to me. I want Christmas to feel what I imagine Christmas feels like. Trying to capture the spirit of the holiday when I am soo focused on shopping and gift wrapping and making sure I get everyone so no one feels like I don't love them if I don't have a gift or something for them is counterproductive. Money and material gifts are not what Christmas is about. <br />
<br />
I may be forced to sacrifice my favorite day of the year- Black Friday- because it is a day of spending money....which is now gone. Could I find a way to pay for it on credit? Absolutely. It would be all too easy. But it isn't paid for if you owe the credit card company money. And it's not really a steal of a deal if I am owing interest on it. <br />
Our girls are little so if our tree is a little bare under the branches it won't bother them any. Not to say there won't be anything there- but I've been wanting to do more of a homemade Christmas this year anyway to make our holiday have a little more personal value to it. This might be the perfect year to start teaching them the true meaning of Christmas anyway.<br />
<br />
Christmas is an action. Not a feeling.<br />
Doing something for someone else that they cannot do for themselves.<br />
<br />
<br />
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<br />Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01505239337941457391noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6710309510290583432.post-12989772184257252602012-10-09T06:27:00.001-07:002012-10-09T06:27:09.839-07:00Ramblings of an insomniacIt is in that state between dreaming and being fully awake that I often have the most clarity and can see things as they really are. A fleeting epiphany. It is during these times that I learn the most about myself. Unfortunately, my brilliant ideas almost always never make it out of my head and onto paper. Much of my thoughts are lost at this point, though I will try to regurgitate what I can remember...<br />
I've held myself back for years, probably because I am trying to preserve a time in my life that has passed and never will return again. Change scares me, a lot more than I admit to myself. I love my little girls with all my heart, but I find myself wishing I had fewer responsibilities and that I could go back to a simpler time in my life. I have yet to graduate college because that means I finally have to face the rest of my mortal life. That scares me. I fear age. I've been afraid to imagine what my life will be like when I am 40, 50, 60, etc. I suppose not allowing myself to think about it prevents me from setting worthy goals for me to accomplish in my lifetime. Instead I set my sights on much shallower goals, rather than goals that will be of use to me for all eternity. Perhaps watching my girls grow, and seeing how fleeting their babyhood really is, shows me that I need to start making for myself goals that will enable me to change for the better. Change during mortality is hard- but it will be made even more difficult after mortality. Alma 34:32-34 comes to mind (that is the scripture mastery about procrastination, right? I've been out of seminary too long)- "see that ye do not procrastinate the day of your repentance until the end- for after this day in life which is given us to prepare for eternity; behold, if we do not improve our time while in this life then cometh the night of darkness wherein there can be no labor performed...for that same spirit which doth posses your bodies at the time when ye go out of this life, that same spirit will have power to posses your body, in that eternal world".<br />
Now that I've realized this about myself- the next step is, what will I do about it? Read my patriarchal blessing, for one... as for the next step, I'm not sure. Obviously I need to start allowing myself to move forward. Time is not going to stand still.<br />
Some changes are only as permanent as I want them to be. I've wanted for years to find my own style of decorating and my personal style, as well. I've been looking for permanent solutions to a temporary problem. I've wanted a classic, permanent style. It doesn't exactly work that way- things get old, worn out, broken, lost; and if something survives long enough, I get tired of it. I've wanted my styles to impress other people. So I get anxious and stay in my comfort zone, and deny myself of what I really want to try. I've heard over and over again to go with what I like, what makes me happy, etc.... but for me it isn't that easy. What I really want, though, is a home that feels friendly and open, where friends and family like to come over and spend time with our family. I want a home where my kids feel the spirit, and everyone who comes to visit can feel it too.<br />
Looks like I have my work cut out for me.Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01505239337941457391noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6710309510290583432.post-47737744208339291542012-09-30T21:40:00.001-07:002012-09-30T21:40:38.154-07:00Emma's StoryEmma and Lily are growing so fast. It is hard to believe that nearly 6 months have gone by since our second daughter came into this world, and almost two years since our first daughter changed our lives forever. Lily has grown so much since then- and we have, too.<br />
I never recorded Emma's story.<br />
My induction was scheduled for April 5, 2012 at 5:00 a.m. At 3:30 a.m. the hospital called and said that there were no rooms available for me. So I went back to sleep and at 7 we received another call asking us to come in. I changed in the triage room, had my water broken in a cesarean postpartum room, and after being in labor for a few hours I was moved into the room where we would stay until discharge. <br />
I feel like my labor with Emma was easier than Lily- mostly because I was a little more experienced- but I was also constantly drinking fluids, I had at least a couple of hours of sleep (Still didn't sleep very well- we slept at Kristynn's the night before), and my mom was there. It was so nice to have a seasoned delivery nurse there just for me ;)
Especially after my epidural kicked in and I wasn't quite so coherent.
Mom was even able to predict when it was time to call the nurse in
because the fentanyl in my system was causing my blood pressure to drop too low.<br />
For a few hours my labor didn't progress much. I finally started making some progress after lunch, and around 3:30 I was dilated to a 7. The nurse was about to leave my room when I started to feel pressure, and she checked me again. Within minutes I dilated from a 7 to a 10, and was starting to feel like I needed to push. The doctor was fetched, and at 3:46 p.m., Emma Leigh came into the world. She was 7 lbs 7 oz and 20 inches long.<br />
Emma had jaundice also (her bili levels were around 11.5 at discharge), but because we had gone through it when Lily was born we knew what to do, and thankfully the pediatrician at the hospital sent us home with bili lights. We also made sure she was well fed, and I supplemented her with formula for about the first week. We continued to have her bili levels checked for several days after getting home, and finally she was off the bili lights about a week or so after we got home.<br />
Even though I had stopped nursing Lily less than a year earlier, I felt like we needed to learn it all over again. This time around though it was almost like magic. Emma had no trouble at all finding my breast. I think we waited too long to start Lily off, or maybe it was just my inexperience that got in the way, but that first time was much harder. We avoided giving the bottles that the hospital provided to Emma, anyway, just in case it screwed us up and made things harder. <br />
She has grown so much since then. Emma was rolling over front to back at 2 months, and back to front at 4 months. She was starting to creep around before 5 months, and now can scoot backwards and roll around to reach something she wants. I can only imagine what my house is going to look like when she is running around with her sister :s<br />
I am looking forward to watching her continue to grow into a beautiful little girl like her sister, and to become a big sister herself one day. Each little spirit that comes into our family is a true miracle, and I hope that we will be blessed with more little miracles as our lives continue.<br />
<br />Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01505239337941457391noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6710309510290583432.post-75174805570775878292012-09-30T20:23:00.000-07:002012-09-30T22:03:07.788-07:00Do your daughters know they are beautiful?Yesterday, my sweet not-quite-two-year-old tried to help me wash the dishes. While she is far from being able to do the chore by herself, it is yet another reminder that she is no longer a baby. She is becoming a little girl.<br />
My time with my babies is short, and each day that goes by they get older and bigger. Soon my girls will be grown and gone. The best I can hope to do is raise them to know that we love them, that their Heavenly Father loves them, and that they truly are of infinite worth.<br />
Our bishop spoke in fast and testimony meeting today, and what he said really struck me. Someone asked him, "Do your daughters know they are beautiful? If they don't, when they go to college, they will fall prey to someone who will lead them astray, simply because someone tells them that they are beautiful."<br />
This happened to a friend of mine, who didn't know- and may still not know- how beautiful she is. She met a guy who said that she was beautiful, who said there was a light about her. He wasn't a bad guy, but he did not have the gospel in his life and didn't understand what he did to her when he took her virtue. She tried to bring the gospel into his life, but failed, and he left her because the light in her had diminished.<br />
I hope my girls never, ever have to struggle with their self image the way my friend did. I want them to know every day how beautiful and precious they are, and how they deserve a man who will treat them like the <br />
queens they are destined to become. If any boys decide to come into our family I will make sure they know the same, and teach all of our children to treat their spouses like the kings and queens they can become by following God's plan. <br />
<br />Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01505239337941457391noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6710309510290583432.post-59229143233134609212012-03-16T10:54:00.000-07:002012-03-16T10:54:05.178-07:00Almost readyI suppose since I have a few minutes to myself I can spend a little time on my little blog :). Within a few weeks time I will have very little time to myself so I might as well take advantage of what I've got. It still seems a little unreal to me that I will have not one, but two little girls in my home very soon. Lily is getting more curious about the second crib in her room, and though she understands it is for a baby, she still has no clue that the baby will require a lot of mommy and daddy's attention, or that mommy is even having another baby. <br />
Everything is just about ready for baby Emma's arrival; I just need to make sure someone will be able to take care of baby #1 when baby #2 comes. My suitcase is packed, I have a list of things to grab when the time comes, and the babies' room is pretty much ready. The most important thing I wanted to accomplish before the baby comes was to pass my national pharmacy tech certification exam- which I drove up to Salt Lake for and passed on Monday- yay! The rest of the semester will be a cakewalk for me- I won't have to take the final exam or the test next week, and if I miss class I will get credit for being there anyway. I would still like to go when I can because there is still more I can learn; but if it isn't convenient for me to find a babysitter then I won't worry about going. As soon as the semester is over and I have my certificate I can go apply for my Pharmacy Technician license. <br />
Since I have that accomplished, I am just watching and waiting for this little girl to decide that she is ready to begin her journey on earth. I will probably be induced between 39-40 weeks if my labor does not start before then; which since I live more than an hour from the hospital is just fine with me. So I have a definite end in sight, but I think these last three weeks are going to feel like the longest weeks ever. I have a list of projects to take my mind off of waiting though- revamping my ugly glider, designing and sewing a new nursing cover, stocking our freezers and cupboards with easy meals and snacks, and hunting for as many grocery bargains as I can find. I keep getting in trouble for rearranging the furniture in our apartment, so I need to find another outlet for my energies. She will be here before I know it, I'm sure!Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01505239337941457391noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6710309510290583432.post-78576164186873258442012-02-28T09:33:00.002-08:002012-02-28T10:18:33.707-08:00The Light At The End of the TunnelI saw a quote on Facebook a few days ago that said something to the effect of "the light you see at the end of the tunnel is a train coming from the other side." I had to laugh at that; I suppose I have an ironic sense of humor. In all honesty I really hope that it isn't true. For although it's been a frustrating road, things for us feel like they are starting to come together and we are getting closer to where we would eventually like to end up. I would really hate to be hit by a train right now.<br />We got our tax return back this month; it wasn't quite the amount we were expecting or hoping for, but it was still enough to pay off a couple of my student loans and (finally!) get us a queen-size bed. We were also approved for a loan on a used car in VERY good condition, which we desperately need. The two driveable junkers we own have worked out for us up until this point, and while Matt has been able to fix any issues we've had so far, I don't feel comfortable driving around my van when it could break down on me at any time with two babies in the car. Not to mention the lack of air conditioning- poor Lily was roasting in her car seat all last summer. We've managed to squish into the three seater truck when the van has been out of commission, but there is no way we would be able to pull it off with two car seats. Not even if I rode in the bed. Since most of our bills are now paid off and I will be done with school for the time being, we have enough disposable income to afford a car payment and still maybe put a little into savings each month. My parents had told me about a car their mechanic was advertising for sale back in December, and it turns out it was still available. A few people had tried to apply for loans for it but were unable to be approved, and we were lucky enough to qualify for a reasonable loan. So last week I sent the paperwork to California, which my dad handled for me since I am unable to fly at the moment, and he drove up our "new" 2010 Toyota Corolla, which now has 7,330 miles on it. It even still has a hint of that wonderful new car smell. The previous owner was in his 90's when he purchased it, and had died recently. The family wanted $11,500 for it, which was way below the blue book value. In a better economy the car would've sold within a couple of days; however, I am grateful that it was still available for us when we were in a position to buy a newer car. Even if we outgrow it I think it will still be a very viable car, and Toyotas generally have great resale value.<br />There have been rumors going around the mine lately that there will be layoffs and what not this year. As it is, everyone has to take a mandatory week of vacation during the 24th of July, after the next longwall move. With a new baby and a car payment things could get pretty tight. I am REALLY praying and hoping that things will be okay for us and that I won't need to go out and find a job with a newborn at home. The only thing that scares me more than Matt losing his job is losing one of my girls (or my husband too). I am pretty close to getting my Pharmacy Technician certification, but I would still like it to be awhile before needing to go out and find a job. It was really hard for me to leave Lily and go back to work, so I chose to stay at home. <br />And speaking of home, I am starting to finally feel like we live in our apartment and that we are not just here temporarily. I've been adding a few homey touches lately and driving Matt crazy with all my reorganization and furniture moving. It seems silly, since we are hoping to be out of here in about 6 months to be doing all of this now; but I want to feel content in our home, even if it isn't really "ours". Matt says he wants new couches next; we will have to see what his next bonus looks like. Though we aren't completely free of debt yet, it is amazing how good it feels to be as close as we are. So I would really hate to be hit by a train and have to start the process all over again.Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01505239337941457391noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6710309510290583432.post-38858387691387469562012-02-06T06:10:00.000-08:002012-02-06T06:50:50.118-08:00Spring CleaningIt looks like I won't be getting any more sleep tonight. I've had to-do lists and shopping lists running through my head all night, not to mention I am starving but too tired to get up and forage for food. Most of all, I am just uncomfortable- and I still have way too far to go to not be getting enough sleep. My due date is 9 1/2 weeks away but I am expecting sooner than that we will have our second baby girl in our arms.<br />I still have things to do before then- and I feel like I am just waiting for time to pass so I can get all the things done that I need to and finally relax. I can't really say I'd be breathing easier since my lungs feel so squished right now that I don't think it would make all that big of a difference (I've got a BAD case of the nesting instinct- and it probably isn't going away any time soon).<br />Because our apartment lacks a lot of essential storage space, we have a lot of stuff and not a lot of space to put it in. To try and squish in a fourth (though very small) person, I've constantly been arranging and rearranging our apartment (mostly the babies' room) to try and find the best way to maximize our space and get rid of the stuff that we really don't need. Most of our furniture is old and junky, and if we were rich I would probably go out and buy all new furniture. But we aren't; so I have to content myself with simply finding budget-friendly solutions for our storage needs. I've spent days working on the girl's room, trying to cram baby gear into every nook and cranny I can find, including the limited amount of space underneath the two cribs. The room is pretty small and barely fits two cribs, a dresser, changing table and glider. I'd move the glider out to the living room but it is wall-to-wall furniture in there as well. Today I think I might rearrange our bedroom closet, and see if I can't finish some of the unfinished decor projects I've started on and halfway finished.Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01505239337941457391noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6710309510290583432.post-2091356029260697562012-01-07T20:54:00.000-08:002012-01-10T21:34:06.013-08:00Ok, so the holidays are over, which means that my least favorite part of winter is here. It's just cold and there really isn't anything for me to look forward to except Spring and the end of winter. I start to get antsy for Spring as soon as January hits. I have more than one reason to look forward to Spring this year- and more than one reason to appreciate winter. We'll have our second girl sometime in early spring, which means that I have a few more months of rest before the sleepless nights start again.<br /><br />A brief summary of our holidays:<br /><br />Lily's second christmas was a little more eventful than her first. She was only six weeks last year; this year she was a little more interested in what was going on. She isn't really old enough to rip open the wrapping paper on her own, so we helped her quite a bit, but by the end she was starting to get the hang of it. It was really cute to watch her tear off tiny bits of paper at a time, look at it, and proceed to tear another tiny bit of paper off her presents. She got a few new toys and a couple of books. I think she had the most fun with her stocking though, pulling out the toys from inside. After video chatting with Grandma, we went to dinner at Sam and Prescott's house and had some more fun. I got a steam cleaner and a new set of pots and pans that I've had my eye on for months.<br /><br />For New Year's we went to my sister's apartment in Lindon. My mom and youngest sister were visiting from California. We played a few games to while away the time, put together a puzzle, celebrated the stroke of midnight and went to bed. After a turkey dinner the next evening we returned home so Matt could go to work the next morning.Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01505239337941457391noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6710309510290583432.post-15160440655146290882011-11-28T21:12:00.000-08:002011-11-28T21:24:30.236-08:00I have a toddler?when did that happen!?!<br /><br />During the first couple of weeks after Lily was born, I kept hearing about how fast she would grow and how quickly the time would go. The first few weeks had felt like the longest of my life- struggling to get a handle on motherhood while still trying to recover from the exhaustion of delivery and the almost week we were in the hospital and few days after with the bili lights while Lily had jaundice. Before I knew it, my baby was a month old, then two, three, and so on, until she turned one year old just a couple of weeks ago.<br /><br />Now we are expecting another girl- and I am wondering if I will be able to handle two teenage girls at once. I'm getting ahead of myself, I guess; before they become teenagers, I will have to learn how to juggle two babies at once with different needs. If I go all the way to my due date, they will be about 17 months apart, but since I didn't make it to 39 weeks with Lily I am expecting this baby will come a little earlier as well. What in the world will we name her? I've only been thinking of boy names, expecting to have a boy this time around. It will come, I'm sure. We have a few months to figure it out.Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01505239337941457391noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6710309510290583432.post-49802212994194230172011-10-30T14:47:00.000-07:002011-10-30T14:57:48.082-07:00Lily Speaks!Since all the months are starting to run together, I decided I'd better make a record of things I've heard Lily say so far, so I can record them for her in her scrapbook or something one day.<br />Other than mommy and daddy, she started saying nana, baba, hi, and yeah. She's also said nite nite, kitty, cat, doggie, stinky, unh-uh, messy, and bye-bye. She'll say "at" or "dat" when she's pointing to something, so I tell her what it is, and sometimes she tries to repeat it back. She says a lot of things that I can't understand yet, or maybe it's just baby- talk. I think she is going to be my little talker, 'cause she sure babbles a lot!Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01505239337941457391noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6710309510290583432.post-41297995198235847522011-10-16T15:39:00.000-07:002011-10-16T18:03:05.429-07:00Is there something wrong with me?...Other than the fact that I have not updated my blog in over a month. In my defense, I have been rather busy since then, and any spare time I have is usually spent playing catch-up on those things that have become neglected during the week, such as the pile of dishes in the sink, or the piles of dirty laundry and garbage that seem to accumulate when there is not a woman home all the time to pick them up. Plus the lists of drugs and other things about pharmacy life that I am trying to cram in my brain when I have a spare moment. Yep, I've been busy. And since yet again the coupons are missing from my sunday papers, I have a little bit of time to myself while the baby sleeps. Though admittedly I haven't cut last week's coupons yet....<br /><br />Anyway, I've had 2 tests in my pharmacy tech class so far. I did well on the first test; I'm not feeling so confident about last Thursday's test. I hope I did better than I think I did. I'm really trying hard to get the majority of my work done before spring semester, seeing as I will have a second baby in the house before school is over. I've been working about 20 hrs a week combined in the hospital and a local pharmacy; I'm hoping to have my 200 required hours done before the start of spring semester so I can be ready to take the national licensing exam around February or March. If I can pass it before the end of spring semester, I will get an automatic 100 percent on the final exam, and the rest of the class should be a breeze. I was really hoping that I would be done with school before I was due with this baby. Unfortunately, graduation is the first week of May and I am due the second week of April (I just realized I haven't posted anything since I found out my due date- April 12th). So I won't get to walk across the stage at graduation with my huge pregnant belly, but I will get to have another baby in my arms.<br /><br />We are really hoping for a boy this time, and I've been having some really strange dreams. In one of those dreams I gave birth to a dark-haired mexican-looking boy in my friend's camp trailer, and she was my delivery nurse. The inside of the trailer looked like a tiny hospital room. In another dream, there were two cribs right next to each other (which may end up coming true since we will need 2 cribs), and there was a dark-haired curly girl in one and a boy in the other (Lily was right next to me). I kept trying to see what the boy looked like, but I could only look at the girl. I had 2 dreams where Lily wasn't my biological daughter; we found her in the first dream; and in the second she was the daughter of some sibling of Matt's that doesn't exist in real life. Her parents didn't want her so we raised her. It really confused me until I remembered that she <em>is </em>my daughter, I gave birth to her!<br /><br />I've had a lot of dreams about girls, and some about boys. I only dreamed about boys before I knew that Lily was a girl... so what do these dreams mean? No, I don't think it's twins, I would be a lot bigger and I would've been told at my first doctor's appointment when they did the ultrasound. I've been looking at boy clothes and boy stuff and thinking of boy names, and Matt and I (sort of) have a name we've talked about. I've also got a girl name in the back of my head, and both names feel right.<br /><br />Speaking of names...<br />I'm not sure if it is just me, but I really feel weird using words such as <em>wonderful, sweet, amazing, </em>or <em>incredible </em>when talking about my husband. I suppose don't want someone else to feel bad if they don't feel that way about their spouse, like I'm trying to say my husband is better than theirs. Or that I'm using them because I'm just trying to convince myself he is. I'm not saying that other people shouldn't praise their husbands for the wonderful things they do; it is a positive thing, after all. I guess I'm just a little more private about it. I seem to have no problem praising my child (she is the perfect child, after all :P), but for some reason, I feel odd doing so about my husband. Maybe because I know he'll never read my blog anyway. I do try to let him know how I feel, but somehow I feel weird sharing that with other people. Is there something wrong with me?Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01505239337941457391noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6710309510290583432.post-59739939919924039512011-09-10T14:28:00.000-07:002011-09-10T15:20:46.059-07:00Diffr'nt StrokesIn those few moments between my head hitting the pillow and sleep, I had one of those thoughts that make perfect sense to you at the time. Well, I went to sleep and forgot exactly what it was, but I do remember thinking that parenthood will either make you or break you as a couple. Having a child will either bond you together through your joy and struggles, or the differences in your parenting styles will give you something to fight about that drives you apart.<br /><br />I was comparing my parents and trying to figure out which parent was more lenient and which parent wouldn't let me get away with as much. My dad was usually looser when it came to something we wanted at the store or if we wanted a treat at an amusement park. Mom didn't let us get treats as often as dad did. but I was more afraid of being spanked by my dad, mom would just send us to our room or ground us. When it came to friends or having sleepovers, it was easier to get mom's cooperation- and she usually didn't mind as much when we made a lot of noise.<br /><br />Frankly, I think I am a combination of both my parents' styles. I will prolly be the more patient one when it comes to whiny kids and naughty behavior. I intend to help my children understand why their behavior is unacceptable, rather than just punish them because I feel upset at them. If I can detach myself from their behavior emotionally, I think it will keep me from yelling at them. I'm not sure if I will use a time-out chair or the corner as a punishment. The theory I favor right now ("theory" since it has yet to be put into action) is calmly telling my child to go to their room "because you need to calm down and mommy needs a break from your behavior". Not sure yet if it will work- every child learns differently. Right now if Lily is just plain whiny we put her down for a nap, unless I suspect one of her basic needs requires attention.<br /><br />I'm not quite certain what Matt's parenting style is. I'd like to say we've talked in depth about it, but honestly you don't know what your style is until you raise a kid. Matt's dad was a raging drunk for most of his childhood from what he's told me, and while I don't think he will be as hard a parent to live with (helps he doesn't drink), I think he might not be as patient a parent as I am. I am a people pleaser so I might find it a harder job to discipline my children. As long as we support each other though I think it will be okay.<br /><br />Matt thinks this baby is a boy; we both knew that Lily was a girl. We won't know for at least another month yet. I don't even know my due date yet... but I do hope that we get at least one of each variety. I never had any brothers and always wanted one, so I hope that Lily gets at least one brother and one sister. Guess we'll know soon enough, but the guessing game is driving me crazy! I see lots of CUTE boy clothes and would love to add them to my baby collection.Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01505239337941457391noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6710309510290583432.post-90510339210771589722011-09-01T17:54:00.000-07:002011-09-01T19:30:50.749-07:00EpiphanyI was somwhat inspired by a talk a lady in my ward gave in church on Sunday. Mostly it was on how God prepares us for trials and through trials for things that will happen later in life. While I still don't understand what most of my trials were in preparation for (some of them I brought upon myself), I had an epiphany during the talk. I don't remember what the words were that inspired it, but I began thinking about what we are here for- to prove that we are faithful to Heavenly Father, to grow and learn things, to obtain a body, find a companion and start a family... and I had a thought- <strong>one reason I have trials is to learn how to solve my own problems.</strong>
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<br />Surely we will still be faced with difficult decisions, and problems will still arise in the next life. Because our mortal cares are behind us does not mean that we won't faced with immortal cares. I will need the problem solving skills I learn in this life to help me with the next. Along with emotional challenges, unemployment is really a logistics problem: how to still provide for basic necessities when means are limited? What would be a constructive way to deal with all the extra time while looking for a job? How do I still maintain my self-respect when obtaining a job proves to be difficult? Will I continue to maintain the moral standards I have set for myself?
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<br />Having an eternal perspective can be the hardest thing ever, during times of little and times of plenty. It is easy to get caught up in material things when you do have enough. When you have little it is easy to be upset at the one person whose fault it is not: our Father. It is true, we don't know what his plan is, and when we don't receive the things that we believe to be good for us, it is depressing. When Matt was out of work it was hard on everybody. I had difficulty reading the scriptures like I used to, and my prayers were more like occasional postcards rather than frequent phonecalls.
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<br />We tried for months to keep our heads above water, and finally had to sacrifice the one thing we were trying to prevent losing: Matt's $500/month Mustang. We tried selling it, but were so upside down on the payments that finally we decided to get rid of it and turned it in. we knew we would still have to make payments but wouldn't be paying insurance or maintenance on it any longer. Beautiful though it was, that car was an accident magnet anyway. I suppose the lesson I learned was this: <strong>sometimes you have to make a sacrifice to get what you are asking for. </strong>The very next day Matt was offered a job.
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<br />We moved in with his parents for four months, hoping that Matt would be hired on permanently at the coal mine he was now working at. He was a contractor, and contractors have lower pay and no beneits. I was expecting out first child and most of my paychecks went to pay the ridiculously priced benefits my hospital offered (Ironic, huh? I shouldn't transferred hospitals; then I wouldve made way more and had cheaper benefits.) Even when we moved into our apartment Matt was still a contractor, and when Lily was born, he was still a contractor. Finally at Christmastime he was offered a permanent position. The second lesson I learned: <strong>sometimes you need to take a leap of faith.</strong> Thank goodness he was hired on while I was still on leave.
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<br />One other thing I learned: <strong>when you do get what you ask for, your problems don't go away overnight.</strong> we are STILL recovering from the damage that nine months of unemployment cost us. Mostly we are caught up, but as a result of being behind on bills last year, we couldn't pay our hospital bill when it came, so we are STILL paying it off... and now we've got another anticipated hospital bill. I really hope our tax return will cover it. Plus my tuition for this year.
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<br />Another thing being without has taught me is to <strong>share what I do have with others</strong>. I love having people over for dinner, and I don't mind giving away what I don't need. I hate clutter anyway.
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<br />I suppose I also learned <strong>how important a food storage is</strong>, so that if we are unable to purchase food we will at least have enough that we won't starve. I've been working on building it up, but we still have quite a long way to go. While I don't understand what all of my trials are for yet, I have learned that I can solve some of my problems on my own- but never without help, of course.
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<br />Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01505239337941457391noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6710309510290583432.post-12785014130097562152011-08-31T16:14:00.000-07:002011-09-10T15:25:26.421-07:00New Developments<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgLqFEp1d0rmbIWjj9Tn8RMl85KMpXA0LaDvlUJnhbrF27n6BQZ8ZQgGZ1mdMy_wqSwnXgbMF1HP93zt-eM4hMvg8BI8po6Vc6-xt8NL9qAPaosLFIxJPnh61rHHionqNImNtdJg_gQhTbB/s1600/SD530218.JPG"><img style="TEXT-ALIGN: center; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; WIDTH: 320px; DISPLAY: block; HEIGHT: 240px; CURSOR: hand" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5650860515179992050" border="0" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgLqFEp1d0rmbIWjj9Tn8RMl85KMpXA0LaDvlUJnhbrF27n6BQZ8ZQgGZ1mdMy_wqSwnXgbMF1HP93zt-eM4hMvg8BI8po6Vc6-xt8NL9qAPaosLFIxJPnh61rHHionqNImNtdJg_gQhTbB/s320/SD530218.JPG" /></a><br /><br /><div>Well, it only took 9 and a half months, but Lily finally cut her first tooth! She cut her first bottom tooth the other day, and her first top tooth broke through today. Her other top front tooth looks like it will cut in the next day or so, and maybe her other bottom tooth as well. At her 6 month appointment the dr prescribed vitamin drops with fluoride since our water is not supplemented, but miss Lily wanted nothing to with them- she spit them out and refused to take them. A few weeks ago I decided to prepare her formula with fluoridated water- thinking when her teeth did come in she would need the fluoride so her teeth might be strong. I guess she just needed the fluoride- three or four of her teeth are coming in at once!<br /><br /><br />At her checkup last Wednesday, Lily was 20 lbs. and 28 inches long. She made a little jump on her weight. She started taking Zantac to see if her frequent spitup and hunger cues might be related to an esophageal reflux. So far it is helping. We're also trying to get her in to see a pediatric pulmonologist to find out why she always sounds sick.<br /><br /><br /><br /><br /></div>Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01505239337941457391noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6710309510290583432.post-59675881505712442992011-08-07T12:46:00.000-07:002011-08-07T13:57:29.878-07:00One of "those people"Ok, so I found a new obsession: coupons!<br /><br />Yeah, I know, I'm turning into one of THOSE people: the ones you HATE to be stuck behind while checking out at the grocery store. The people you see wandering through Wal-mart with 2 carts and a huge binder, haggling with the cashier and generally being an eyesore. One of those people: the ones you envy when everything is tallied up, because they might have a lot of stuff, but their grocery bill is significantly lower than yours. Yeah... those people.<br /><br />I got hooked on the idea as I was channel surfing one day. None of my favorite shows was on, so I was just looking for some interesting background noise. I ended up watching extreme couponing on TLC. I was amazed at how much these people got for so little. And a lot of it was free! That week I saw an ad for a free coupon class and decided to check it out. They were offering a discount on the Sunday paper, so I signed up to get 5 copies of the paper each Sunday.<br /><br />After we came back from vacation in California, I started getting 2-4 coupon inserts in each paper, separating them and cutting them out. A big disadvantage to living in this area is the lack of retail stores in general. We have a Wal-mart and a Kent's, and usually I get most of my groceries at Wal-mart because Kent's is a little more expensive. You have to be to stay in business down here. Walmart will price match though, so I started using the savvyshopperdeals.com website to compare prices on foods at various grocery stores in the state of Utah. They have a shopping wizard you can use so you don't have to print out the whole list (there are about 3500 listing on it usually), and I just take that into Walmart with me when I go shopping.<br /><br />I will brag a little about some of the deals I've snagged after only a month of using coupons. I got 25 boxes of cereal for $16.75 total on my first trip, and 5 free bottles of Matt's shampoo. A few days ago I got 8 large tubes of Crest Pro-Health toothpaste for $3 total (4 were $0.25 each, 4 were $0.50 each :D). I also got 5 packs of Bic Soleil razors for $0.99 each, among many other great moneysaving deals. The space under Lily's crib is taken up by several boxes of Huggies that I got for a great price too ($13.99 for each box- same price as Walmart's Parent's Choice diapers.) Mostly I've used Huggies because I've gotten higher-value coupons than Pampers. if Pampers had higher value coupons I would use them too. But hey, $3 off vs. $1.50 off two.... sorry Pampers.<br /><br />It takes awhile (I've heard) to build up your stockpile to where you are spending way less on groceries per month than without coupons. I'm still spending about the same right now, but I'm buying a year's supply instead of a few weeks. It's building up slowly, a few products at a time. Once I have my food storage built up, I will get to the point where I won't stock up on it unless it is free or just about.<br /><br />My sister is moving up to Utah next week, and when she comes I am going to take her shopping with me so she can see how it works. She is showing an interest in coupons as well, and I can't wait to help her get some of the same great deals that I am getting. It is rewarding, but be warned: it is a lot of work. It helps to know what you are going for before you go to the store, and to be prepared. I carry sticky notes so I can write the price and the store and stick the note to the product so it is easier for myself and the cashier when I check out. If I spend too much time in the store, my brain starts to melt so I have to make sure I've had a good meal before I go. I try to just get a few "stockpile" items each trip- I had to leave my first time because I ran out of cart space. It does take longer to get through the store, and I get a little embarrassed sometimes because I feel like I look silly with all my coupons and papers and sticky notes, etc., but it's the sort of thing where you start to see results right away- unlike a diet and exercise plan. I'm getting a lot more for my buck. And I'm proud of myself at the end of the day. So if it does my family some good, I'm okay with being one of "those crazy coupon ladies".Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01505239337941457391noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6710309510290583432.post-58554070043268920362011-07-19T16:33:00.000-07:002011-07-19T16:40:07.825-07:00i learned how to add pictures!this is a test <a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEilTr7Hplarobx0nFB9f7Aul1a44Dq1urnsy3y0HDKvGSz6JDSpsknyhUN74SghBTkZIZS9tZvJdfcabwwQKUNRKH6yRK46l5ekRWztJp-qDdQr-hkEdtUpbNHsSAOEI7mbaLqaqs4_9Mmm/s1600/SD530079.JPG"><img style="MARGIN: 0px 0px 10px 10px; WIDTH: 320px; FLOAT: right; HEIGHT: 240px; CURSOR: hand" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5631211531177648242" border="0" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEilTr7Hplarobx0nFB9f7Aul1a44Dq1urnsy3y0HDKvGSz6JDSpsknyhUN74SghBTkZIZS9tZvJdfcabwwQKUNRKH6yRK46l5ekRWztJp-qDdQr-hkEdtUpbNHsSAOEI7mbaLqaqs4_9Mmm/s320/SD530079.JPG" /></a> ....<br /><br /><div></div>Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01505239337941457391noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6710309510290583432.post-25738286440641183762011-07-18T21:57:00.000-07:002011-07-18T22:55:54.715-07:00Things happen in their own timeLately, Lily just hasn't been interested in baby food. she will eat a few bites, lose interest, and play with her bib or steal the spoon while I try to sneak a few bites in before she gets fussy and tries to escape from her bumbo. she's getting pretty close to doing it, but just can't seem to get her legs past the middle piece separating her legs (so I guess it's time to get a high chair).<br /><br />I made myself breakfast for lunch yesterday- scrambled eggs and hash browns- and remembering that egg yolk is an acceptable food for babies, decided to give her a bite to see how she tolerated it. I'd just started giving her some yogurt melts the day before, and she did just fine with them (I did try them first, and it basically is freeze-dried yogurt. they dissolve pretty easily). I picked the most yolky- looking bit and gave her a bite. she loved it! so we had a bit of fun exploring different food textures- scrambled eggs, yogurt melts, and I let her go crazy with a slice of pasteurized- processed cheese food. she squished it more than she ate it, but she did really well with the soft food I gave her. I was quite surprised- I've mostly been going off the labels on the gerber jar, and for 3rd-stage foods (and Graduates) it says "your child may be ready if: crawls with tummy off floor; and begins to self-feed".<br /><br />well, I'm both sad and somewhat relieved to say, Lily doesn't seem to be anywhere close to crawling let alone getting up on all fours, and I don't know if she can self-feed because we don't have the equipment for her to try. though she does like to steal the spoon from me, she's more interested in the brightly colored plastic spoon than what is on it. sometimes the spoon does make it into her mouth, but more on accident than intent. So the fact that my child not only wants but is ready for food with texture instead of puree really caught me off guard. I've been breaking the rules the past few days and giving her samples of every soft thing on my plate: macaroni and cheese, pizza, tomatoes, lil' crunchies... she even had fun tearing up a hot dog bun. I've been putting some treats in front of her so she can practice picking them up and putting them in her mouth. as soon as we get a high chair I will put some baby food in front of her and let her finger paint.<br /><br />though she isn't really showing any interest in crawling, she likes standing up to furniture and jumping in her exersaucer. she might just be one of those babies that walks before crawling. my mom says that studies have shown that walking before crawling can affect a child's hand-eye coordination, but my neighbor's little boy never crawled and he seems just fine. so we'll see what happens. right now her mode of transportation is rolling around on the floor; she likes to roll under the futon in our living room and play with the bars. I had most of my craft stuff under there, but I've started babyproofing and moved it to a cupboard that I can lock up once she starts getting curious.<br /><br />though I am thrilled that she is growing and learning new skills, it reminds me that she won't be a baby for much longer. in a few short months, she will be a year old, and considered more of a toddler than an infant. and before you know it, we will have another little baby to love and cuddle. I feel like I have a handle on the mom business for now, and I'm ready to start trying for #2. I've figured I am ready for the next one once I feel like I have everything under control- most of the time. there are always going to be times when things feel out of control crazy, but I haven't felt like that for awhile. more sleep helps a ton- funny how she sleeps through the night almost all the time now that she's been weaned (my milk dried up recently- stupid me didn't realize my allergy med was an antihistamine until it was too late. and now I've gotten used to how easy it is to hand her a bottle and walk away. does that make me a horrible mom?).<br /><br />I'd prefer them to be closer in age so they can be playmates and have more of the same interests in common than I did with most of my sisters. I am 19 months older than #2, and 6 and 10 years older than #3 and #4. I was closer with Kristynn because we were closer in age. I had a harder time finding things in common with malan and mckenna. I will be going to my 10-year reunion when mckenna graduates. that makes me feel old. I want to be able to do fun things with my kids, like games and camping and other fun activities that are more fun if the players are on pretty much the same level. <br /><br />there are many dreams I have for the growth of our family, and for our future home. I hope that most of them turn out to come true. It is really hard for me to be patient and wait for life to evolve. much has happened in the past 2 years, but we are still relatively new to marriage. so I will be patient- and let things happen in their own time.Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01505239337941457391noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6710309510290583432.post-42601785169608984012011-06-19T17:09:00.000-07:002011-06-19T18:55:44.163-07:00I feel a change in the winds<span style="font-family: arial;">so many changes are happening...and every once in a while, there is enough change going on around me that I freak out a little bit. Lily just by herself is a little bundle of change; she has new developments every day, whether learning to spit, getting just a little bit stronger, or finally realizing that she can roll over and is doing it all the time, even though she learned months ago. Not to mention giggling and shrieking up a storm whenever the mood strikes her.<br /><br />My sister is getting married in 3 days and endowed in 2. I am happy for her but can't help but feel a little jealous as well. She is getting married in the Oquirrh Mountain temple. I feel a little jealous because it was nearly 2 years before Matt and I were sealed, along with our little baby Lily just a few months ago. It felt like an uphill battle from the moment we got engaged, and I can't help wishing it was easy and right off just like the other couples I see go straight into a temple marriage.<br /><br />On the other hand, I was endowed nearly a year before our sealing and just days before conceiving Lily, so I had a child and plenty of time to adjust before we were stuck together like glue. Actually,it was an amazing experience to have her there with us at the altar. It is a lot to take in, and Kristynn will have less than a day between taking out her endowments and getting sealed. I like having had more than one day, but I still wish it didn't take so long.<br /><br />I also know that there are other changes in myself that I need to make if I want to achieve the goals that I/ we have set. I'd really love to not spend as much money on our groceries- I am gonna try out couponing as a new hobby. I don't think I'd ever get as crazy as the people on tv, but maybe I could save a few bucks.<br /></span>Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01505239337941457391noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6710309510290583432.post-86540603195924089822011-05-26T23:13:00.000-07:002011-06-12T18:36:48.419-07:00confessions of a high school swimmer<div><div>I took Lily to the pool for the first time the other day. I was expecting a much bigger reaction than what I got. She loves to be in the tub, and she used to just smile and giggle the whole time. Now at 6 months it seems like she is telling me, "whatever mom, being in the water is fun, but it's no big deal." I had expected being in a swimming pool would rekindle a little bit of that previous excitement. Then again, we were indoors in the Snow College pool, which is not quite as warm as bath water is. And there wasn't any sun to warm us. I think she had more fun eating the tulle skirt of her cute little swimsuit. </div><div> </div><div>She stared at her surroundings for a few minutes before she took an interest in what we were doing. I did get a few smiles out of Lily while twirling her around in the water, and walking up and down the pool while she kicked her legs experimentally. The biggest smiles and giggles were when she caught sight of the diving toys a couple of kids nearby were playing with. I'll have to remember to bring toys with us next time. I think she enjoyed it overall- until it was time to get out. Being cold was a new concept to her, and she had a very perplexed expression and emitted funny grunting noises as we shivered our way to the locker room and a hot shower, where Lily entertained herself by sticking her hands in the stream of water and kicking her legs. </div><div> </div><div>I dressed her and laid her back in the stroller to sleep while I got back in the pool for a little "me" time. I didn't have the foresight to bring my cap and goggles with me, but the deep end was roped off anyway which cut the pool in half. Lap swimming is only from 5-8 a.m., and I'll be darned if I'm going to get up that early to go exercise. Which is strange considering in high school I used to get up at 4:30 in the morning to attend swim practice. I guess being on a team and having friends to swim with makes a difference.</div><div> </div><div> I used to think that it didn't matter what team I was on, that just being on a team was enough motivation for me to swim my best. When I started practice with my college team, I discovered just how much my high school team meant to me, and how much I miss that camraderie. The truth is, even though I hated it at the time, I actually miss all those sadistic things my coach made us do- banana splits, push ups, sit ups, lactate sets- and my nemesis, the "cromwells", which is basically crouching down and jumping in the air-repeatedly and quickly. My legs wore out after two or three. But even through the hardest practices, we somehow had enough fun to make up for it. And spring training, our "hell week", usually ended up being the best week of the season overall. </div><div> </div><div>Every once in awhile I have an epiphany about some drill or exercise we'd work on, and have a "D'oh!" feeling as the point of the exercise would finally sink in. When I was in the pool while Lily slept, I finally figured out the proper technique of sculling (<em>it only took me nine years,</em> I grumbled). I wonder how much better I could have done if only I'd figured these things out in my first year of swim. It wasn't until towards the end of my swim career that I learned how to keep my legs steady while doing the breaststroke. I was one of the people my coach lightheartedly describes as "breaststroke retards." </div><div> </div><div>I still have dreams about meets and practices, but now they are of me returning as an alumnus to join my team in an important competition. It is like those movies where a retired hero is called upon for a mission that only he or she can complete. I wouldn't say I was the star of the team, certainly, but I wasn't half bad. And the pool was one place where I felt like I truly belonged. I could come to practice full of anxiety, and be able to turn my emotion into motion. </div><div> </div><div>People may say swimming up and down, up and down is boring, but it gave me time to think, and a positive outlet for my energy. Water is amazing. The touch and feel of it, the challenge of pushing through it without allowing it to enter your lungs, of learning through overuse the muscles you didn't know were there. And strength you never knew you had. It was so long ago since I was swimming consistently that it is easy to forget that part of me ever existed. Everytime I get in the water, it comes rushing back. Once you learn, you never forget it. </div><div> </div><div>It was something I needed to remember, that I am more than just a mom now. And if I ever did have the chance to go back- just for one day- to my old high school team, I would give it my very best- a best that has grown stronger over the years, because I understand now what the purpose was behind all of the drilling, the exercises, the team building activities, and all the little things I cut corners on because I hated doing them. Not that I didn't try my best back then. I just have a broader perspective now. </div><div> </div><div>I wish I had the opportunity when I was a kid to be on a swim team. I had wanted to all my life, and I didn't have the chance until I was in high school. One of the first things Lily will learn from me is how to swim, and while I will allow her to learn whatever sport she desires, I hope that she will choose to swim. It made a difference in who I am. And it will give us something to bond over when she reaches those dreaded teenage years. </div><div> </div><div>I think the thing I miss the most, probably why I still dream about swimming, is that I felt like I was truly a part of something. I was in the best shape of my life. While I have been a part of other things since then, very little has come close to affecting me the way that being a part of Cathedral City Swim was. I miss it, but I am forever glad for what I accomplished during my time there. </div><div> </div><div> </div><div> </div><div> </div><div> </div><div> </div></div>Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01505239337941457391noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6710309510290583432.post-91227387518377439012011-04-26T19:27:00.000-07:002011-04-26T22:29:12.857-07:00First EasterLily's first Easter was marked by a new milestone... sitting! she sat on her own for the first time. at least for about 30 seconds. Still wobbly but she is getting stronger. And she is getting so big! she is starting to wear the 9 month size now... I need to go shopping for her soon :)<div><br /></div><div>We started her on solids too. She's been wanting to eat (read: nurse) every two hours, so I thought it might help her stay fuller longer. There are a few indicators that she is ready. She tries to stick everything in her mouth, she sits almost independently, she watches us when we eat and tries to get our food. Lily does really well with a spoon. Hardly any food comes back out... but Mommy also has a lot of practice with spoon feeding. It's kind of sad, really; I am excited to see her doing things on her own, but that means she is getting bigger and starting to grow up :( </div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div></div>Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01505239337941457391noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6710309510290583432.post-64943138983467073252011-04-01T01:09:00.000-07:002011-04-01T01:23:24.949-07:00My Secretfor the past three years, I've been working on a book. It will probably never be big, which is okay, but it is something that makes me happy, a secret project, always at the back of my mind. the concept literally came to me one day as I was writing in my journal. I let it flow, and soon I had the makings of a wonderful story. I haven't made much progress since, as it stands now it is short and repetitive, but I bring the idea up every once in awhile, and slowly the knots are being smoothed out. Often it is wonderful and trying moments when I work on it. I think I may have developed an introduction the other day, and I am excited and a little nervous to pick it up again and write it in. This is the furthest I've ever gone with an idea of mine, and I have several more that may or may not ever come to pass. it is something that I feel confident in, even if no one else ever comes to appreciate it. <div><br /></div><div>I will need another person(s) prolly to help me with the story flow and clarity. My thoughts tend to be all over the place, and sometimes vague. It may be a very long time before I am at a point where another person can be brought in. Maybe it will be sooner rather than later. </div>Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01505239337941457391noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6710309510290583432.post-23223692394424019582011-04-01T00:09:00.000-07:002011-04-01T00:50:01.805-07:00Slacker vs. ObsessorI'm turning into a slacker mom, or perhaps my nesting instincts have worn off. and it's not just my blog. the dishes sit in the sink for a few days, sometimes I can't remember when I last showered, and my brush gets used, oh, about once a week. As I was walking to the mailbox down the street today, I realized- I've turned into the frumpy housewife. And this is only my first child. what is going to happen in two or three babies' time? the HORROR. I mean, I wasn't exactly a makeup and nice clothes kind of girl anyway, but before giving birth I did pull out my straightener on a regular basis. sometimes even the curling iron. I even loathed wearing glasses in favor of contacts. I've fixed my hair up nice once in the last four months, and that was the weekend Lily was blessed. the contacts I was finally able to afford at the end of January? haven't cracked a box open yet. <div><br /></div><div>I shouldn't have any excuses soon- at the beginning of May, I will officially be a stay-at-home mom. maybe I will have an extra 10 minutes to run a straightener through my hair and maybe stick my contacts in once a week. we'll start with baby steps. eventually I might be able to shop for some newer clothes since most of my wardrobe is meant for bigger times. The clothes I wore prior to motherhood are mostly worn out. I've thought about coloring my hair, but it's the healthiest it's ever been in my life and I don't want to ruin it. I want to grow my hair out again, so I don't want to cut it. maybe after I'm done with work I will get my nails done since healthcare workers can't have long nails. </div><div><br /></div><div>I did make some progress today (kitchen is cleaned!), but it took the whole day. now that my sewing projects are finished (though I still have a couple), I'm putting it on hold and focusing on my scrapbooks for now. though I've been procrastinating immediate chores, I've become obsessed lately with the amount of stuff vs. space in our home. if there is a more efficient, space-saving solution out there, I want it and I want it now. I hate having a baby swing and a toddler rocker; I want a combo swing (which also has toys attached to it). then there's the doorway jumper and the humongous exersaucer and the bumbo, 2 car seats, plus we need a high chair soon. for such a tiny person she sure takes up a lot of room! perhaps I should stop accepting large baby items so I can pick my own solution. the trick is convincing my husband that such expenditures are necessary for my sanity. Now that we are almost out of our deep, deep hole, I want to make the dream of how I want my home to look and function a reality. I want to decorate it with things of my choosing, not hand me downs worn out and chosen for me. I want a place where people feel comfortable visiting and sharing with us. </div>Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01505239337941457391noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6710309510290583432.post-68596926528967212392011-03-12T17:56:00.001-08:002011-03-12T17:56:22.147-08:00Listen to this playlist: aquatiger06's Playlist<img style="visibility:hidden;width:0px;height:0px;" border=0 width=0 height=0 src="http://c.gigcount.com/wildfire/IMP/CXNID=2000002.0NXC/bHQ9MTI5OTk4MTEyMTI2NSZwdD*xMjk5OTgxMzc3MjY1JnA9Njk*MzAxJmQ9Jm49YmxvZ2dlciZnPTEmbz*2NmIyYjRhMWJkNmI*/ZDk1YTExZDE3NWMzMDc5NTg1YyZvZj*w.gif" /><div style="text-align: center; margin-left: auto; visibility:visible; margin-right: auto; width:450px;"> <object width="450" height="470"> <param name="movie" value="http://www.musicplaylist.us/mc/mp3player_new.swf"></param> <param name="allowscriptaccess" value="never"></param> <param name="wmode" value="transparent"></param> <param name="flashvars" value="config=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.indimusic.us%2Fext%2Fpc%2Fconfig_green_shuffle.xml&mywidth=450&myheight=470&playlist_url=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.musicplaylist.us%2Fpl.php%3Fplaylist%3D84580257%26t%3D1299981121&wid=os"></param> <embed style="width:450px; visibility:visible; height:470px;" allowScriptAccess="never" src="http://www.musicplaylist.us/mc/mp3player_new.swf" flashvars="config=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.indimusic.us%2Fext%2Fpc%2Fconfig_green_shuffle.xml&mywidth=450&myheight=470&playlist_url=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.musicplaylist.us%2Fpl.php%3Fplaylist%3D84580257%26t%3D1299981121&wid=os" width="450" height="470" name="mp3player" wmode="transparent" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" border="0"> </embed> </object> <br/> <a href="http://www.musicplaylist.us"><img src="http://www.musicplaylist.us/mc/images/create_green.jpg" border="0" alt="Get a playlist!"/></a> <a href="http://www.musicplaylist.us/playlist/21652545803/standalone" target="_blank"><img src="http://www.musicplaylist.us/mc/images/launch_green.jpg" border="0" alt="Standalone player"/></a> <a href="http://www.musicplaylist.us/playlist/21652545803/download"><img src="http://www.musicplaylist.us/mc/images/get_green.jpg" border="0" alt="Get Ringtones"/></a> </div>Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01505239337941457391noreply@blogger.com0