i learned how to add pictures!

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Things happen in their own time

Lately, Lily just hasn't been interested in baby food. she will eat a few bites, lose interest, and play with her bib or steal the spoon while I try to sneak a few bites in before she gets fussy and tries to escape from her bumbo. she's getting pretty close to doing it, but just can't seem to get her legs past the middle piece separating her legs (so I guess it's time to get a high chair).

I made myself breakfast for lunch yesterday- scrambled eggs and hash browns- and remembering that egg yolk is an acceptable food for babies, decided to give her a bite to see how she tolerated it. I'd just started giving her some yogurt melts the day before, and she did just fine with them (I did try them first, and it basically is freeze-dried yogurt. they dissolve pretty easily). I picked the most yolky- looking bit and gave her a bite. she loved it! so we had a bit of fun exploring different food textures- scrambled eggs, yogurt melts, and I let her go crazy with a slice of pasteurized- processed cheese food. she squished it more than she ate it, but she did really well with the soft food I gave her. I was quite surprised- I've mostly been going off the labels on the gerber jar, and for 3rd-stage foods (and Graduates) it says "your child may be ready if: crawls with tummy off floor; and begins to self-feed".

well, I'm both sad and somewhat relieved to say, Lily doesn't seem to be anywhere close to crawling let alone getting up on all fours, and I don't know if she can self-feed because we don't have the equipment for her to try. though she does like to steal the spoon from me, she's more interested in the brightly colored plastic spoon than what is on it. sometimes the spoon does make it into her mouth, but more on accident than intent. So the fact that my child not only wants but is ready for food with texture instead of puree really caught me off guard. I've been breaking the rules the past few days and giving her samples of every soft thing on my plate: macaroni and cheese, pizza, tomatoes, lil' crunchies... she even had fun tearing up a hot dog bun. I've been putting some treats in front of her so she can practice picking them up and putting them in her mouth. as soon as we get a high chair I will put some baby food in front of her and let her finger paint.

though she isn't really showing any interest in crawling, she likes standing up to furniture and jumping in her exersaucer. she might just be one of those babies that walks before crawling. my mom says that studies have shown that walking before crawling can affect a child's hand-eye coordination, but my neighbor's little boy never crawled and he seems just fine. so we'll see what happens. right now her mode of transportation is rolling around on the floor; she likes to roll under the futon in our living room and play with the bars. I had most of my craft stuff under there, but I've started babyproofing and moved it to a cupboard that I can lock up once she starts getting curious.

though I am thrilled that she is growing and learning new skills, it reminds me that she won't be a baby for much longer. in a few short months, she will be a year old, and considered more of a toddler than an infant. and before you know it, we will have another little baby to love and cuddle. I feel like I have a handle on the mom business for now, and I'm ready to start trying for #2. I've figured I am ready for the next one once I feel like I have everything under control- most of the time. there are always going to be times when things feel out of control crazy, but I haven't felt like that for awhile. more sleep helps a ton- funny how she sleeps through the night almost all the time now that she's been weaned (my milk dried up recently- stupid me didn't realize my allergy med was an antihistamine until it was too late. and now I've gotten used to how easy it is to hand her a bottle and walk away. does that make me a horrible mom?).

I'd prefer them to be closer in age so they can be playmates and have more of the same interests in common than I did with most of my sisters. I am 19 months older than #2, and 6 and 10 years older than #3 and #4. I was closer with Kristynn because we were closer in age. I had a harder time finding things in common with malan and mckenna. I will be going to my 10-year reunion when mckenna graduates. that makes me feel old. I want to be able to do fun things with my kids, like games and camping and other fun activities that are more fun if the players are on pretty much the same level.

there are many dreams I have for the growth of our family, and for our future home. I hope that most of them turn out to come true. It is really hard for me to be patient and wait for life to evolve. much has happened in the past 2 years, but we are still relatively new to marriage. so I will be patient- and let things happen in their own time.

I feel a change in the winds

so many changes are happening...and every once in a while, there is enough change going on around me that I freak out a little bit. Lily just by herself is a little bundle of change; she has new developments every day, whether learning to spit, getting just a little bit stronger, or finally realizing that she can roll over and is doing it all the time, even though she learned months ago. Not to mention giggling and shrieking up a storm whenever the mood strikes her.

My sister is getting married in 3 days and endowed in 2. I am happy for her but can't help but feel a little jealous as well. She is getting married in the Oquirrh Mountain temple. I feel a little jealous because it was nearly 2 years before Matt and I were sealed, along with our little baby Lily just a few months ago. It felt like an uphill battle from the moment we got engaged, and I can't help wishing it was easy and right off just like the other couples I see go straight into a temple marriage.

On the other hand, I was endowed nearly a year before our sealing and just days before conceiving Lily, so I had a child and plenty of time to adjust before we were stuck together like glue. Actually,it was an amazing experience to have her there with us at the altar. It is a lot to take in, and Kristynn will have less than a day between taking out her endowments and getting sealed. I like having had more than one day, but I still wish it didn't take so long.

I also know that there are other changes in myself that I need to make if I want to achieve the goals that I/ we have set. I'd really love to not spend as much money on our groceries- I am gonna try out couponing as a new hobby. I don't think I'd ever get as crazy as the people on tv, but maybe I could save a few bucks.

confessions of a high school swimmer

I took Lily to the pool for the first time the other day. I was expecting a much bigger reaction than what I got. She loves to be in the tub, and she used to just smile and giggle the whole time. Now at 6 months it seems like she is telling me, "whatever mom, being in the water is fun, but it's no big deal." I had expected being in a swimming pool would rekindle a little bit of that previous excitement. Then again, we were indoors in the Snow College pool, which is not quite as warm as bath water is. And there wasn't any sun to warm us. I think she had more fun eating the tulle skirt of her cute little swimsuit.

She stared at her surroundings for a few minutes before she took an interest in what we were doing. I did get a few smiles out of Lily while twirling her around in the water, and walking up and down the pool while she kicked her legs experimentally. The biggest smiles and giggles were when she caught sight of the diving toys a couple of kids nearby were playing with. I'll have to remember to bring toys with us next time. I think she enjoyed it overall- until it was time to get out. Being cold was a new concept to her, and she had a very perplexed expression and emitted funny grunting noises as we shivered our way to the locker room and a hot shower, where Lily entertained herself by sticking her hands in the stream of water and kicking her legs.

I dressed her and laid her back in the stroller to sleep while I got back in the pool for a little "me" time. I didn't have the foresight to bring my cap and goggles with me, but the deep end was roped off anyway which cut the pool in half. Lap swimming is only from 5-8 a.m., and I'll be darned if I'm going to get up that early to go exercise. Which is strange considering in high school I used to get up at 4:30 in the morning to attend swim practice. I guess being on a team and having friends to swim with makes a difference.

I used to think that it didn't matter what team I was on, that just being on a team was enough motivation for me to swim my best. When I started practice with my college team, I discovered just how much my high school team meant to me, and how much I miss that camraderie. The truth is, even though I hated it at the time, I actually miss all those sadistic things my coach made us do- banana splits, push ups, sit ups, lactate sets- and my nemesis, the "cromwells", which is basically crouching down and jumping in the air-repeatedly and quickly. My legs wore out after two or three. But even through the hardest practices, we somehow had enough fun to make up for it. And spring training, our "hell week", usually ended up being the best week of the season overall.

Every once in awhile I have an epiphany about some drill or exercise we'd work on, and have a "D'oh!" feeling as the point of the exercise would finally sink in. When I was in the pool while Lily slept, I finally figured out the proper technique of sculling (it only took me nine years, I grumbled). I wonder how much better I could have done if only I'd figured these things out in my first year of swim. It wasn't until towards the end of my swim career that I learned how to keep my legs steady while doing the breaststroke. I was one of the people my coach lightheartedly describes as "breaststroke retards."

I still have dreams about meets and practices, but now they are of me returning as an alumnus to join my team in an important competition. It is like those movies where a retired hero is called upon for a mission that only he or she can complete. I wouldn't say I was the star of the team, certainly, but I wasn't half bad. And the pool was one place where I felt like I truly belonged. I could come to practice full of anxiety, and be able to turn my emotion into motion.

People may say swimming up and down, up and down is boring, but it gave me time to think, and a positive outlet for my energy. Water is amazing. The touch and feel of it, the challenge of pushing through it without allowing it to enter your lungs, of learning through overuse the muscles you didn't know were there. And strength you never knew you had. It was so long ago since I was swimming consistently that it is easy to forget that part of me ever existed. Everytime I get in the water, it comes rushing back. Once you learn, you never forget it.

It was something I needed to remember, that I am more than just a mom now. And if I ever did have the chance to go back- just for one day- to my old high school team, I would give it my very best- a best that has grown stronger over the years, because I understand now what the purpose was behind all of the drilling, the exercises, the team building activities, and all the little things I cut corners on because I hated doing them. Not that I didn't try my best back then. I just have a broader perspective now.

I wish I had the opportunity when I was a kid to be on a swim team. I had wanted to all my life, and I didn't have the chance until I was in high school. One of the first things Lily will learn from me is how to swim, and while I will allow her to learn whatever sport she desires, I hope that she will choose to swim. It made a difference in who I am. And it will give us something to bond over when she reaches those dreaded teenage years.

I think the thing I miss the most, probably why I still dream about swimming, is that I felt like I was truly a part of something. I was in the best shape of my life. While I have been a part of other things since then, very little has come close to affecting me the way that being a part of Cathedral City Swim was. I miss it, but I am forever glad for what I accomplished during my time there.

First Easter

Lily's first Easter was marked by a new milestone... sitting! she sat on her own for the first time. at least for about 30 seconds. Still wobbly but she is getting stronger. And she is getting so big! she is starting to wear the 9 month size now... I need to go shopping for her soon :)

We started her on solids too. She's been wanting to eat (read: nurse) every two hours, so I thought it might help her stay fuller longer. There are a few indicators that she is ready. She tries to stick everything in her mouth, she sits almost independently, she watches us when we eat and tries to get our food. Lily does really well with a spoon. Hardly any food comes back out... but Mommy also has a lot of practice with spoon feeding. It's kind of sad, really; I am excited to see her doing things on her own, but that means she is getting bigger and starting to grow up :(

My Secret

for the past three years, I've been working on a book. It will probably never be big, which is okay, but it is something that makes me happy, a secret project, always at the back of my mind. the concept literally came to me one day as I was writing in my journal. I let it flow, and soon I had the makings of a wonderful story. I haven't made much progress since, as it stands now it is short and repetitive, but I bring the idea up every once in awhile, and slowly the knots are being smoothed out. Often it is wonderful and trying moments when I work on it. I think I may have developed an introduction the other day, and I am excited and a little nervous to pick it up again and write it in. This is the furthest I've ever gone with an idea of mine, and I have several more that may or may not ever come to pass. it is something that I feel confident in, even if no one else ever comes to appreciate it.

I will need another person(s) prolly to help me with the story flow and clarity. My thoughts tend to be all over the place, and sometimes vague. It may be a very long time before I am at a point where another person can be brought in. Maybe it will be sooner rather than later.

Slacker vs. Obsessor

I'm turning into a slacker mom, or perhaps my nesting instincts have worn off. and it's not just my blog. the dishes sit in the sink for a few days, sometimes I can't remember when I last showered, and my brush gets used, oh, about once a week. As I was walking to the mailbox down the street today, I realized- I've turned into the frumpy housewife. And this is only my first child. what is going to happen in two or three babies' time? the HORROR. I mean, I wasn't exactly a makeup and nice clothes kind of girl anyway, but before giving birth I did pull out my straightener on a regular basis. sometimes even the curling iron. I even loathed wearing glasses in favor of contacts. I've fixed my hair up nice once in the last four months, and that was the weekend Lily was blessed. the contacts I was finally able to afford at the end of January? haven't cracked a box open yet.

I shouldn't have any excuses soon- at the beginning of May, I will officially be a stay-at-home mom. maybe I will have an extra 10 minutes to run a straightener through my hair and maybe stick my contacts in once a week. we'll start with baby steps. eventually I might be able to shop for some newer clothes since most of my wardrobe is meant for bigger times. The clothes I wore prior to motherhood are mostly worn out. I've thought about coloring my hair, but it's the healthiest it's ever been in my life and I don't want to ruin it. I want to grow my hair out again, so I don't want to cut it. maybe after I'm done with work I will get my nails done since healthcare workers can't have long nails.

I did make some progress today (kitchen is cleaned!), but it took the whole day. now that my sewing projects are finished (though I still have a couple), I'm putting it on hold and focusing on my scrapbooks for now. though I've been procrastinating immediate chores, I've become obsessed lately with the amount of stuff vs. space in our home. if there is a more efficient, space-saving solution out there, I want it and I want it now. I hate having a baby swing and a toddler rocker; I want a combo swing (which also has toys attached to it). then there's the doorway jumper and the humongous exersaucer and the bumbo, 2 car seats, plus we need a high chair soon. for such a tiny person she sure takes up a lot of room! perhaps I should stop accepting large baby items so I can pick my own solution. the trick is convincing my husband that such expenditures are necessary for my sanity. Now that we are almost out of our deep, deep hole, I want to make the dream of how I want my home to look and function a reality. I want to decorate it with things of my choosing, not hand me downs worn out and chosen for me. I want a place where people feel comfortable visiting and sharing with us.