A new mommy's mishaps, mayhem, and majesty

Thursday, September 1, 2011

Epiphany

I was somwhat inspired by a talk a lady in my ward gave in church on Sunday. Mostly it was on how God prepares us for trials and through trials for things that will happen later in life. While I still don't understand what most of my trials were in preparation for (some of them I brought upon myself), I had an epiphany during the talk. I don't remember what the words were that inspired it, but I began thinking about what we are here for- to prove that we are faithful to Heavenly Father, to grow and learn things, to obtain a body, find a companion and start a family... and I had a thought- one reason I have trials is to learn how to solve my own problems.

Surely we will still be faced with difficult decisions, and problems will still arise in the next life. Because our mortal cares are behind us does not mean that we won't faced with immortal cares. I will need the problem solving skills I learn in this life to help me with the next. Along with emotional challenges, unemployment is really a logistics problem: how to still provide for basic necessities when means are limited? What would be a constructive way to deal with all the extra time while looking for a job? How do I still maintain my self-respect when obtaining a job proves to be difficult? Will I continue to maintain the moral standards I have set for myself?

Having an eternal perspective can be the hardest thing ever, during times of little and times of plenty. It is easy to get caught up in material things when you do have enough. When you have little it is easy to be upset at the one person whose fault it is not: our Father. It is true, we don't know what his plan is, and when we don't receive the things that we believe to be good for us, it is depressing. When Matt was out of work it was hard on everybody. I had difficulty reading the scriptures like I used to, and my prayers were more like occasional postcards rather than frequent phonecalls.

We tried for months to keep our heads above water, and finally had to sacrifice the one thing we were trying to prevent losing: Matt's $500/month Mustang. We tried selling it, but were so upside down on the payments that finally we decided to get rid of it and turned it in. we knew we would still have to make payments but wouldn't be paying insurance or maintenance on it any longer. Beautiful though it was, that car was an accident magnet anyway. I suppose the lesson I learned was this: sometimes you have to make a sacrifice to get what you are asking for. The very next day Matt was offered a job.

We moved in with his parents for four months, hoping that Matt would be hired on permanently at the coal mine he was now working at. He was a contractor, and contractors have lower pay and no beneits. I was expecting out first child and most of my paychecks went to pay the ridiculously priced benefits my hospital offered (Ironic, huh? I shouldn't transferred hospitals; then I wouldve made way more and had cheaper benefits.) Even when we moved into our apartment Matt was still a contractor, and when Lily was born, he was still a contractor. Finally at Christmastime he was offered a permanent position. The second lesson I learned: sometimes you need to take a leap of faith. Thank goodness he was hired on while I was still on leave.

One other thing I learned: when you do get what you ask for, your problems don't go away overnight. we are STILL recovering from the damage that nine months of unemployment cost us. Mostly we are caught up, but as a result of being behind on bills last year, we couldn't pay our hospital bill when it came, so we are STILL paying it off... and now we've got another anticipated hospital bill. I really hope our tax return will cover it. Plus my tuition for this year.

Another thing being without has taught me is to share what I do have with others. I love having people over for dinner, and I don't mind giving away what I don't need. I hate clutter anyway.

I suppose I also learned how important a food storage is, so that if we are unable to purchase food we will at least have enough that we won't starve. I've been working on building it up, but we still have quite a long way to go. While I don't understand what all of my trials are for yet, I have learned that I can solve some of my problems on my own- but never without help, of course.



3 comments:

  1. Loved this blog. :) I connected with a lot of what you said. Love you!

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  2. Some people never learn to appreciate the blessings they have. Because you have had to work so hard to get out of debt and get health care and all that fun stuff, you will appreciate it infinitely more than many other people and can be happier with whatever situation the Lord throws at you! I heard a quote that basically says that when you persist at doing something it becomes easier not because the nature of the task has changed but because your ability has increased.

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  3. This is beautiful, Lindsay! Thanks so much for posting it; I really needed it today. I miss you so much! I hope everything goes well for you and that you and Matt (and Lily, of course) are happy and healthy. Love you tons!

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